I power through.
It’s all I can really do right now.
The old adage is “Write the book you want to read”, after that, everything else is supposed to fall into place. Yet, I’m truly afraid that it won’t fall into place for Starlight. I’ve been working on this project for what feels like a very long time. It has gone through two incarnations, with different character names and complete character evolutions, before becoming the story that I know and love-so-freaking-much today.
I’m in the final phases of polishing it before I shove it at my Beta Readers, feeling that it is as close to perfect as I can get it on my own. I was looking forward to the agent querying process until I started to really do my research, until I took part in PitMad. It doesn’t seem like agents are looking for something like my book right now and I fear that the labels they want will keep them from seeing the really great things in the story that I’ve woven.
PitMad was a big fat bust. I was really excited for the Twitter pitch fest, using only 140 characters to describe my story. It was a day long event with a good number of agents and editors scanning the cleverly crafted pitches tagged with #PitMad.
Not once were my pitches seen until I begged friends to give it a retweet. Even then, still nothing.
So, here I sit, with a nearly finished book that I am head over heels in love with, that I fear will never make it where I want it to go. Sure, self publishing is a possibility. I would most likely have to Kickstart a fund for professional editing (because that is rightfully expensive) if I went that route. But, what I truly wanted was to start making my way up the ranks towards the big names like Bardugo and Maas.
Sure, I have high hopes, but I’m shooting for the stars.
And you should, too.
Just because I’m having doubts doesn’t mean I’m going to stop any time soon. I’m going to finish this round of revisions on Starlight, kick it off to beta readers, and possibly try to work on something new while I ghostwrite again. My quest for the perfect agent isn’t over. It’s barely even begun. I know what I want and I know that, if I work hard enough, I can get somewhere pretty close to that (at the very least!).
I have faith that my writing, my fiction writing at the very least, is more than decent. I have faith that I will never run out of stories to tell and love to put into them. Sure, time and money will always be tight, but I refuse to let doubt sit on my shoulders like the dead weight that it is.
What is it that you’re in doubt about right now? What can you do to push through it?